Kari Sullivan

As some of you know, last winter I bought a first generation Kindle and loved it. Do I still love it? Well, no… I don’t.

In fact, ever since the 1984 scandal with Amazon, I haven’t turned on my Kindle. Not intentionally. Things have just changed for me a lot, and the Kindle plays much less of a role in my life.

The first thing that happened is that I moved to Austin, and with this move came Half Price Books. And let me tell you, even if you think you know Half Price Books, unless you go to my location, you don’t! While some Half Price Books are incredibly cheesy (stay away from the Richardson, TX one at all costs), mine is located near UT and has a stellar selection. I can get a huge hardback Tom Wolfe book for a dollar. In perfect condition. Enough said.

Even if I didn’t have Half Price Books, I’ve noticed that prices on used books have gone down considerably one Amazon. (Finally, one positive effect of the recession!) I can even buy them with Amazon prime and get them shipped quickly. I’m pretty stingy these days, so a $4 book I can resell sounds a lot better than a $10 book I cannot.

To be perfectly honest, I was also expecting the pricing structure for Kindle books to change for the better. I figured that $10 was the ceiling and that it was all downhill from there. If anything, Kindle books have gotten more expensive. I can almost always get a used copy for a lot less, and sometimes a brand new hardback is less.

The pricing of Kindle books didn’t bother me so much when I felt like Amazon was going to be cool about the DRM on their books. (This was a stupid assumption on my part, but Amazon is usually a pretty cool company.) Once the 1984 debacle made me realize Amazon was willing fuck anyone and everyone it felt like, I knew I was just paying $9.99 for a glorified library book. And last I checked, my library doesn’t charge.

Another thing that has changed is that I’ve started to read more, maybe even initially because I had the Kindle. Reading more has made me pickier about what I read. And as picky readers know, the Kindle doesn’t have the greatest selection of books. I basically feel really constricted by what I can and can’t get on the Kindle. It’s a bummer.

Bill has also started to read a lot more during the past year, and we talk more about books than we ever have. In fact, we end up reading a lot of the same books. If we buy a paper book, we buy it once. If we buy the book on the Kindle, we buy it twice. (And don’t even try to suggest that we would trade Kindles. We are both independent oldest child types, and that would never fly with either of us.) So the $4 vs $10 calculation suddenly becomes $4 vs $20. Ouch.

Even though I’m pissy about the Kindle, I’ll probably still use it to a small extent. Like for free promotional books. But will I buy anything for it again? I seriously, seriously doubt it. I feel like my Kindle was a bit of a swindle, but I only blame myself for turning a blind eye to its downfalls.

Wearing heels doesn’t:

• Make me feel thinner
• Make me feel more powerful
• Make me feel sexier
• Make me feel more feminine
• Make my pants fit better
• Make me feel younger
• Make me feel more stylish

Wearing heels does:

• Make me able to see over guys at concerts!

I was reading an article in the New Yorker about kidney donations, and this passage jumped out to me:

… Or perhaps it’s that organ donation [...] is conceived in cold-blood, and cold-blooded altruism seems nearly as sinister as cold-blooded malevolence. Perhaps only the hot-blooded, unthinking sort can now escape altruism’s tainted reputation, captured in the suspicious terms for what people are really engaged in when they think they’re helping (sublimation, colonialism, group selection, potlatch, socialism, co-dependency – the list goes on)

Wow. This sums up what I think about organ donations, personal motivations, and society in general.

Even though I run a business, and have generally positive thoughts toward capitalism, I would be fooling myself if I didn’t look carefully at the dark side of money. Money rarely brings out the best in people or businesses. Being only motivated by money (and not by personal interest, autonomy, or even love) may lead to success, but it’s a very dark path to travel on. It’s a fast track to unhappiness.

To be primarily driven by altruism is often an even darker path. It seems to me that very few people are truly “hot-blooded” altruists. More often than not, altruism is “cold-blooded” – and full of dark, gnarly, twisted motivations. It’s stressful, exhausting, and infuriating to deal with anyone trying to fool you (and possibly himself) about his morality.

If someone giving me a kidney for money, at least I can be pretty sure that money is the primary motivator. It’s not a guarantee, but it’s a pretty good bet.

If someone is giving me a kidney for no apparent reason, then maybe she’s a good person. But then again, maybe she’s really screwed up. Maybe she wants something from me that I can’t or won’t give her. The odds are much harder to play here.

(And forget about the current system of waiting years for a transplant while being stuck on dialysis. Let’s not act like that’s even a reasonable option.)

Is paying for a kidney perfect? Not at all – just like capitalism isn’t perfect. To be clear, the idea of buying and selling body parts creeps me out. There’s just so much room for corruption, manipulation, and irreversible damage.

However, it’s not nearly as creepy as getting a free kidney from a stranger on the internet with dubious motivations. Don’t believe me? Pick up the July 27th issue of the New Yorker. What you’ll find is that most people who give a stranger a kidney are hoping to get praise, love, and even fame out of it. And when they don’t, they’re quite bitter toward the transplant recipient. Ick.

I know this whole kidney example is extreme, but I find that extreme examples can be very illustrative.

Like buying and selling kidneys, I do find running a business for money to be rather crass and disheartening at times. I’m often forced to make decisions I rather not make – even if they are perfectly legal and ethical. I am forced to think about money every day, sometimes at the expense of user experience and my own dignity. (Let me put it this way… I write astrology quizzes sometimes.)

That being said, I’ll take my position over all the alternatives. Luckily for me, I’m motivated by my need for independence, my love of creating, the joy of entertaining people, AND money. As long as I am not only motivated by money, I feel like I’m solid.